|It's difficult to keep smiling when you have to tell yourself, "Be happy and see the positive side of this." If someone lies to you in order to protect you, they're doing the right thing. Right? I hope so. Though it isn't like trust means much to me these days anyway. There aren't many things I would consider secret, and I try not to expect anything from anyone. Bases covered. |
I received my Unthink invitation code today. I was curious at first, but I didn't plan to sign up after seeing screen shots of the site. I decided to check it out anyway. It's kind of bad, but I also gravitate toward simplicity and white space. If anyone sees this and wants an invitation code, though, I can send you one!
October was, yet again, a blur of a couple of highs but mostly lows. I don't usually believe in luck, but how can one month be the most emotionally trying every year? The only major hurdle standing between myself and the end of the month is an Anatomy lab test. I'm not exactly in the best state of mind for that, but I certainly will try to stumble through it without failing.
“I said nothing for a time, just ran my fingertips along the edge of the human-shaped emptiness that had been left inside me.” Haruki Murakami
I think want to read one of his novels simply because of this beautiful quote. I feel bad for taking so long to read books suggested to me, but I can't help wanting to read things I discover myself instead. I don't have to say anything smart or insightful about it if I don't know anyone else who has read it. It scares me when people (especially professors) suggest we discuss a book after I've read it. I get anxious. I don't know what the few kind teachers who seem to like me as a person actually see in me.
I'm afraid Facebook has completely changed the way I write. I'm much more casual now. No matter what I'm writing, it's not as careful as it once was. I spent some time this morning reading comments on old Xanga pages that belonged to my friends. I went through different phases and never felt quite comfortable with the way I wrote, but at a certain point I was honest, straightforward, and it seems that every word was carefully chosen. There were no filler sentences (sort of like this one, which is essentially something I've already said but has been included for emphasis). That was before websites like MySpace and Facebook interfered. With the advent of MySpace, I started leaving short, casual comments on pages. Facebook has only made that worse. I'd like to get back to my careful writing style, but I'm afraid it would take so much effort to develop that voice, that I would simply stop writing so much. I already write too occasionally. I understand that being "good" at writing requires one to write often, and I haven't put the effort into doing so in years. I would honestly love to get back into writing poetry, too, but I always got too frustrated because nothing I ever wrote satisfied me. I ended up deleting almost everything, which was a mistake. I have nothing to look back on now, so it's harder to inspire myself to continue trying to write. Maybe soon. Just as I always tell myself.